Things I'll Never Say
by Stephane Richer
Summary: I'm feeling nervous, trying to be so perfect, cause I know you're worth it.


Things I'll Never Say

Disclaimer: I don't own Bisco Hatori's _Ouran High School Host Club_ manga or Avril Lavigne's recording of "Things I'll Never Say".

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Houshakuji Renge sat in a dark corner of Ouran Academy's third music room working on her latest Host Club doujinshi. It was, of course, the one that the club's vice president had ordered, a boys' love featuring the Hitachiin twins on a boat. Busily shading in the sky, she sighed. The hosts' fans were such ready consumers. They were hungry for merchandise, merchandise, and more merchandise. Renge was a fan, too, but true moe moments, in her opinion, could not be bought and sold. Yet, the sale of her products to Kyoya-sama allowed her free usage of the third music room during club hours. Not that she didn't have access through her platform network, anyway, but it was always nice to be right there to see the moe moments live. Those were the things she lived for. Merchandise be damned, any time the phony prince and Haruhi-kun gazed at one another accidentally, well…

Still, there were drawbacks that came with the whole thing. Renge adjusted the ribbon in her hair and frowned at the page. Kaoru's surprised mouth just wasn't innocent enough. She erased the corner and redrew it. Better. The major fault she found in the job was that her relationship with Kyoya-sama was strictly of the business variety. She was sure he knew she still held at least some sort of attraction toward him, but he never showed anything in return. He wasn't even sending signals that he didn't like her, which, while giving Renge hope also gave her confusion. What did he want? Perhaps she was placing too much importance on herself. He only knew her name because he knew everyone's name, not because she was particularly memorable. After all, plenty of people worked for him. Why should she be different than them in his mind?

She checked over the page. No mistakes. The dialogue was legible enough. And, to speak of the devil, Kyoya-sama was not hosting anyone at the moment. Renge got up, put away her supplies, and walked over to the pillar on which he was leaning. She tugged on her uniform dress, as it was sticking to her.

"Kyoya-sama?"

He didn't even bother to look up from his little black notebook. "You've finished the latest episode?"

She nodded. Somehow, he seemed to have perceived her gesture without sparing a glance for her. He held out his hand and she placed in it the finished doujinshi. His eyes left the notebook page and he looked at the cover and returned her nod. She was dismissed, just like that.

No "Thank you, Renge." or "I love the colors you picked out." or "Good job!" or "You look beautiful today." or "Let's go on a date together." or "Marry me?" or even a smile. Just a nod, and nothing else.

The next day (well, what else could she do? She and Kyoya-sama had a deal) Renge was back in the corner, working on a cover for the club's catalogue, featuring Mori. As she inked his hair, she listened closely to the conversations nearest to her. Unfortunately, they were the garden-variety boys' love act that she figured the twins would have gotten bored with by now and the Phony Prince's flattery, mixed with squeals from the girls. Her mind kept wandering back to the object of her affections. She looked up, and there he was, chatting with Haruhi-kun. He looked as if, inside, he was not full of conflicting, twisting emotions and impulses. Perhaps he wasn't. Or perhaps he just had a really good poker face. She wouldn't bet against either option. Renge sighed and looked down, continuing to ink.

The hours passed slowly and boringly, and soon enough the club was done with business for the day. The members all went off to change out of their costumes, and Renge was almost done. She just had to get the lettering exactly right, and it would only take a few more minutes. When she looked up, cover finally completed, most of the members were headed toward the door. However, the vice president remained. She rushed over to him and handed him the drawing. He gave the customary nod, and she was about to take her leave when she blurted out, "Kyoya-sama!"

He looked at her. "Yes?"

"I'—" her hands came up and covered her mouth, which was unable to stop itself from going on and on. She rushed out of the room.

Having nothing else better to do, Renge returned to the third music room the next day. She waited outside for a few minutes, nervously fidgeting and trying to talk herself into actually entering the room. "It's okay, Renge. Even if he despises you, he'll keep you around because you're good at doujinshi and you know the club really well. You've helped business, you're a really good manager…" She trailed off. "No way."

Fortuitously, right at that moment Haruhi-kun appeared. "Ah, Renge-kun! What are you waiting for? I'm sure Sempai needs your help with something."

So she followed the other into the club room. It was just a normal day today, with no special outfits or themes, and the Phony Prince had already begun to serve his usual customers. And there, typing away on his Pineapple laptop, was Kyoya-sama. He did not look rattled or disturbed, but rather normal. Self-consciously, she brushed off her dress before approaching the older student. "Kyoya-sama?"

"We need another one starring Hunny-sempai."

She nodded and walked to the corner. It was as if nothing had happened between the two of them, that yesterday had been normal and had ended with an interaction much like that one. Perhaps she had dreamed the outburst. Or, perhaps, it was just Kyoya-sama's poker face again.

Sketching out ideas as she sat, Renge blocked out the rest of the world as she focused on the doujinshi. She could not say how long she had been working when she looked up, wiped her brow, and saw someone sitting next to her.

"Ah! Kyoya-sama! How long have you been sitting there?" _Great, Renge. Use the accusatory tone; that will make him like you for sure._

He shrugged and gave her a little smile. "Not very. There's a lull in customers, so I came to check up on my manager."

Couldn't he do that from his usual place? He was never one to waste time on idle chitchat—unless…did her last doujinshi really suck that much? She had thought it was one of her better ones, too.

"About last night…" he sighed. She sat up straighter. _Please don't reject me too harshly._ "I'm sorry, I cannot accept your feelings. But…" he stood up. "Thank you. You've given me something to think about."

Was that…indicative of things to come? Renge hoped so. _Goddamn it, he's so cool._ She resumed planning with a renewed vigor.


End file.
